Video: Baron Davis gives Leos a week?s worth of astrological wisdom

Posted on | Wednesday, August 17, 2011 | No Comments

It's a problem that college students have faced for as long as they've pursued higher learning: How do you fill all the free hours between classes, "Goldeneye" tournaments and trying to fit as many people as you can inside a phone booth? The problem is even more acute for mature, continuing-education students, because A) it's hard to fit inside a tightly packed phone booth without breaking your brittle bones and B) you oppose violent video games because you are such an adult. Where to turn to keep that second hand spinning?

Well, if you're an NBA veteran with a penchant for making easily digestible bits of Internet culture who has chosen to view the lockout as a probletunity and get his "Larry Crowne" on, you make short videos for the Web. Hence, Baron Davis suiting up and getting his Mister Cleo on for Hot Guys Doing Horoscopes, a video series produced by the women's lifestyle site Glo.com that features -- you guessed it -- attractive gentlemen who tell viewers about the future that is written for them in the stars.

This week, Davis spits the Zodiac math for Leos, so if you weren't born between July 23 and August 22, STOP READING RIGHT NOW. The rest of you may watch:

That was pretty fun! Five thoughts' worth of fun? Don't mind if I do.

1. Good job adjusting your branding to sidestep litigation for copyright infringement. When an enterprise accumulates 50 years of excellence serving the loading dock and material handling industry, they tend to be pretty angry if you try to horn in on their established public persona. That said, I think you should probably have a better/not hastily scrawled logo for B. Diddy Industries, considering you've been rocking that nickname for a minute. What font were you even going for? Berlin Sans FB? Get real. Maybe log onto www.linkedin.com and go headhunting for a VP of branding/corporate design?

2. Also, hire a VP of tie-tying. I'm supposed to believe future news read by a dude who doesn't think his knot should ascend past his clavicle? Yeah, right. If I want dressed-down readings, prognostications and conjuring consultations, I'll just ring up Deacon Millett, thank you very much.

3. "... I sense that, like me, you're in a reflective mood. This can happen when you've got a lot of time on your hands." Nice. A quick soft joke that references your labor situation, makes the audience think, "Hey, this 32-year-old who has made about $118 million over the past 12 years is basically just like me," and keeps the advice train moving. Well played, Boom.

4. I know you say that this bit is intended for "all [your] female LEOS out there LOL", but your advice ? "It's time to assess your lifestyle. Is this really what you want to be doing for the rest of your life? Think more creatively about your future." ? works for everyone, no matter which type of secret reproductive bits your body has, which is great. Sure, we might be from different planets, but when it comes right down to it, we're all here on this big blue ball together, just trying to make the best of our pleasure cruise through space!

5. I do know who you're talking about when you talk about the "others [who] will try to take advantage of [my] good nature." I definitely know who you're talking about, and I WILL stand my ground.

The basketball blogmocracy's own daily repository of sound advice, Tas Melas, is on record as saying that Baron shouldn't be particularly pleased to have collected a check for this, but that's mostly turf-protecting instinct talking. He's Baron Industries-level fierce when it comes to other people giving viewers open-ended guidance in video form. Here's hoping Baron does Libra next. I could really use the direction.

Hat-tip to Guyism.

Magic Johnson Sam Jones Michael Jordan Jerry Lucas Karl Malone

Comments